Joy doesn’t mean an absence of pain and suffering.
To feel like something is wrong when you suffer like you’ve made the wrong move. Like you can tone your experience down or liven it up or change it somehow so you don’t suffer.
Does it help?
Are you not tired of waiting to be joyous until circumstances are exactly as you want them to be?
Don’t you want to love yourself and your life exactly as it is?
Knowing that joy and pain, strength and weakness, glory and failure are all essential to the full human experience.