Ignoring texts from ex-boyfriends is what I have learned to do. My ex-boyfriend told me he is hanging out with his tennis friend who loves the opera. He wishes we could rekindle the fire over a night of the classic performance.

I laughed, deleted his text and blocked him for good.

What pissed me off? The opera, the tennis, the “rekindling”?

No, a man who thought to insult my dignity with the illusion of culture, elitism, and luxury. An idea of exclusive membership in a posh sports club, a network of high-brow activity lovers, and fluttering old days’ fun.

This doesn’t diminish the fact that this was a relationship ruined and a message motivated by lust and loneliness.

I’m ignoring texts from ex-boyfriends because we’re not friends

One mustn’t mistake friendship after break up as a true friendship based on trust, love, and unconditional compassion. A true friendship signifies loyalty, innocence, and longevity, and to a large extent, its lack of accountability and lightness.

The friendship two people manage to uphold after they realize their love of each other has faded to nothingness, which sometimes even include betrayal, second-guessing, and lies, are not, for the lack of a better world, innocent enough to be called friendship.

The history has weight, the hurtfulness hides behind the perhaps newly-healed wound, and facts are facts. So no, I refuse to call the friendliness after a peaceful breakup as friendship. At most, civility.

Why does it matter? It’s merely a label.

True, if it is merely a label then it certainly doesn’t matter. What matters is the labeling of a ‘friend’ guides us on how to behave appropriately with a friendly ex-lover. In a lonesome night, fueled with horniness, regrets, and desperation, we must be mindful that our ex-lover is not a ‘friend’ that we should approach.

Unless you wish to drag yourself back to the old dreadful pool of drama.

I’m ignoring texts from ex-boyfriends as self-respect to me

Don’t start the fire, fuel it, or play with it. Rekindling old flames of love, where kisses were once passionate and hands couldn’t let go of each other, is equivalent to putting your face on a bunsen burner.

What jokes, have some self-respect, both of you.

It’s self-respect because you already know it wasn’t a good match. Especially if the breakup was peaceful you ought to have learned in a calm setting that there’s no hope in this relationship anymore. Then why do it again? What it really says is you have no other choice but to go back to something that guarantees failure.

That’s looking down on the value of ourselves, as well as wasting the other person’s time. And if the other person responds, out of the same sadness and desperation, then a spiral of pain supported by low self-esteem and lack of hope is promised, the only outcome is loops of hurtfulness, codependence, and tragedy (not Shakespeare’s kind).

What if they only realise our good after the breakup?

Hahaha, we have watched too many romantic movies to think that souls are matched for better or for worse.

At the time of your bygone relationship, it was a heartache because the timing was terrible. One or both of you weren’t in the place for a healthy attachment, or the combination of you couldn’t possibly make a healthy attachment. Honestly, that’s the only reason for any breakups, no matter how we broke up.

In both cases, the emphasis must be on “healthy attachment”. Only by healing the wounds in ourselves, what has caused us to have anything but a healthy, secure attachment with other people we love and love us, can we move on to have great relationships with another person who equally has a healthy attachment.

Healthy attachment is obvious, clear and transparent. Speech is genuine and mind games are not played. When we receive the text from this old lover, where are we at? What is our state of play? Be honest with ourself, have some self-awareness.

You must also ask, judging from their text, the time, the tone and the emojis, what’s their state of play.

It’s true that fate’s a bitch, that doesn’t mean you have to be played by fate. Turn off your phone and ask Alexa to play this song, immerse in it, cry, do whatever, except to respond to that stupid text.

Ignoring texts from ex-boyfriends or girlfriends it’s what you should learn how to do.

Rekindling the fire, or more colloquially, a booty call or late-night flirting is 98% unlikely to come from a place of honesty, ease, or authenticity. It’s the libido talking, or the self-hatred. We don’t need to check Matthew Hussey’s “top 10 strategies to reply to a late-night text” or whatsoever, we must use our rationality, compassion, and self-respect to decline such relentless invites.

If you are the horny one, masturbate your brain off. Don’t start a fire indoor.