The path has definitely been a bumpy/curvy one. I’ve had OCD for over 20 years, and the journey is far from over.
It will be a life-long struggle.
However, I am in a much better place now than I was as a kid.
When I was little, I didn’t know that what I was experiencing was OCD at the time.
I just knew that I was extremely anxious and that I was going to great lengths to make sure that all my homework assignments were submitted and received by my teacher.
I used to call almost every single one of my classmates each evening after school to ask them if we had homework that night, just so I could confirm that everything was fine.
Needless to say, things got out of hand fast and as a child, you’re not mature enough yet to understand your own thoughts and feelings.
And unfortunately, none of the adults in my life (not even the school counselor that I went to see multiple times) could figure out what was “wrong” with me.
Over the years, I became an expert at hiding my OCD so that other people wouldn’t suspect anything strange was going on inside my head.
There were times when the OCD was quiet and other times when it was so loud that I couldn’t think straight.
After having my first child, my OCD took a turn for the worst and made me imagine terrible things happening to my baby.
My OCD was stealing time away from my daughter.
Instead of focusing on her needs, I was caught up in my own.
That’s when I decided I needed to do something and started researching self-help resources and came across the concept of mindful awareness.
I studied and practiced, and it was horrible at first and my anxiety was through the roof, but I got through it thankfully.
Today, I still struggle with keeping it in check sometimes.
I have to consciously make an effort to get better. It’s up to me to help myself.
How do you define “healing”? What does it mean?
To me, ‘healing’ means forgiving those who were less understanding of my OCD.
Healing is moving forward with my life and letting go of all the negative things that happened in the past.
Concentrating on making progress to getting a little better and a little strong each day.