Yes I am in my 30’s. No I’m not married . No I do not have children. Why am I single at 30? I’ll explain. Am I okay with that? Yes. Are you??
#1 – Life is messy
Like most young girls at the age of 13, I had my life planned out.
I had dreams of being rich, successful and married with two children, roughly by the time I was 26. I designed the ideal wedding and day dreamed about the all round ‘perfect life’.
Well here I am now like most, pressured by societal timelines realising that the life plan I made in my teens, derailed somewhere in the kaleidoscopic train wreck of my 20’s and in hindsight it was all just a big waste of time.
Somewhere in my unconscious prime of life I started to find my way. I was on track to that career I so desperately dreamed of having. I knew what I was good at and knew what I had to do to get there.
Career – Tick
However as it does, life threw me a diversion and upon entering a long (lets say for the majority of time) happy relationship I re railed on a different path. It was fun, I had another half, someone I got to share stuff with. Collecting amazing memories with unforgettable moments.
#2 – Life had changed
I enjoyed the feeling of being someone’s other half and ultimately I had become lazy to life’s inevitable – ‘End Game’. I was now a home owner, a fiancée, and as society would tell me children were on the horizon.
The relationship took me to the end of my 20’s, it was a stable relationship for the best part of 10 years but as they say, “all good things come to end”.
I can’t blame the relationship for redirecting me, some women can do both. They can have marriage, children and a high driven career but I believe those women wear capes and I do not!
I’ve come to accept I struggle with the simple ‘two things at once’ situation unless it’s in a dance routine, and even then I’m fine until the choreographer shouts ‘let’s add arms’.
I’ll admit, it wasn’t all that straight forward and tackling the social media influences and the non stop comparison problems we all have was tricky at times. Ignoring those invisible assumptions proved pretty difficult. Competing to reach those ever so important milestones gave me moments of doubt.
I should really be settled down by now, I should really be married, I should really have children. FAILED!!!
#3 – Im not ready
Evidently the average age for divorce is 30, so apparently I failed at that too.
At least I saved a bucket load of money!!
Supposedly I’ve reached the age when I should desperately want to be a mother. Sorry to disappoint but having watched my sister and the desire she had made me realise how unready I am. She wanted a baby so much it consumed her.
At times it could’ve destroyed her and with every negative test she had to teach herself how to cope and how to be strong again. It exhausted her and it could’ve easily erased a part of who she was. That want, that fight, that courage, that commitment made her a perfect candidate for motherhood. She desperately wanted to be a mother and she was ready.
I had no desperation for a child, I had uncertainties and I was not ready. Not ready to support myself let alone a dependant. I hadn’t done what I wanted to do yet and I wasn’t ready to sacrifice it for a baby.
Selfish? Maybe. Sensible? Absolutely.
When I see my sister look at her beautiful little boy I do wonder if I will ever know a love like it. An unconditional love where you are ready to give away a part of yourself forever and something you would break every rule for.
Why am i single at 30?
I guess you can’t miss what you never had and it’s a hell of a risk to go investigating the unknown.
I don’t know if this is a life choice or a momentary decision. It may always be one of life’s unanswered questions. Today more than ever women are making the choice of career over family, but the stigma still stays.
How many stereotypes ring true to a single middle aged woman with no children?
- They’re spinsters?
- They’re cat ladies?
- They’re lonely?
The list goes on… When will people stop asking those dreaded questions?
- No I don’t know when I’m going to meet Mr Right.
- Yes I am aware my body clock is ticking.
- Yes I love kids! That doesn’t mean I want to guide them through puberty yet.
Once upon a time if a woman was asked why she didn’t have children, a response such as “I don’t want them” would’ve struck confusion in people like a blushing nun but gradually it’s becoming more acceptable.
“There are more stigmas for a woman who voluntarily chooses never to enter parenthood than there are men…..”
But thats a whole new story……Stay Tuned…..